believe it. I’m okay, I’m strong, I can handle it.

MAYBE

I have dealt with my fair share of let downs, heart breaks, broken promises, bad situations, mistakes, deaths of loved ones, and loved ones dealing with their own loved ones deaths. I have dealt with a lot. You would think that the saying about how “God doesn’t put more on our plate than we can handle” would be a motto to live by on any day to day basis, but let’s be honest internet readers. I highly doubt when we get down, so far down that the light at the top isn’t even clear anymore that we sit back and ponder all that is on our plate. I try, really I do but it doesn’t work. There are days, weeks, and moments in time that I think; Please let me make it through this day, and of course in the end I do. However , life hasn’t exactly been easy, it hasn’t been full of amazing moments, and it sure hasn’t given me the happy endings that I always thought I deserved. Then again maybe it isn’t time for my happy endings, maybe I do not deserve the fairy tale that every girl wants and needs to see her life complete. Maybe, my time just hasn’t come yet.
Maybe my plate hasn’t been full or overloaded, but it sure has been seeping over the edges. That I know for a fact. I’m not exactly sure how I became the person I am today, it is possible that my friends led me down this path or maybe it has been the love gained and lost teaching me the hard knock lessons in life. One thing I do know for sure that no matter what has happened good or bad they have made me the person I am today, and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. I may go back and change a few things here or there, tweak them a little but I would not turn in a single moment of my life so far just to have a perfect moment. I have had perfect moments, perfect situations, and why would I want to have more? I have loved, lost, witnessed amazing love, and cried, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying. Because I am strong, I do believe that in the end I will be okay, and because I can handle it.

There I said it. I CAN HANDLE IT.
BUT there is one small problem.

What happens if I can’t handle it, or don’t want to? What do you do when you have to play the strong one once more, but do not feel like you have the ability? Tell me where do I find the strength again to face another battle? When do I get the chance to stop fighting the battles of life’s letdowns and enjoy good things? Most of all when do I finally get to reach the end of a goal without it crashing down around me because of others giving up?

When do I get to live?
When do I get to break free of the cycle?
When do I get the fairy tale?
When does all the dealing with everything turn into living, and loving, and enjoying?

When do I get to be ME?

Answer – Everyday I wake up. Each morning the world gives me the chance to have that perfect day, to create that fairy tale, to live my dreams. It gives me a balance that I tip to see what side might be better. I get to live daily, I break free daily, I may not have the fairy tale but it is there waiting for me just beyond the stage lights. I have the strength to deal with the things that come at me, I may not realize it but it is there. I can deal with me and I can be strong for my friends.

It is those un-perfect moments that have given me this power. The heartbreaks, the let downs, the sadness these moments in life have given me the chance at joy and perfection. I haven’t mastered it yet but I will, and when I do the world is mine for the taking.

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